A huge Welcome to Dionna from Code Name: Mama, joining us on our theme of 'Love'. Follow this series by grabbing the September is for Love button (on the right hand side bar) and follow/share on the usual networks Twitter and FB ! Blessing to you all and a huge thanks to Dionna for sharing today!
That's Just Love Sneaking Up On You by Dionna from Code Name: Mama
When we found out we were pregnant with our first son, Kieran, I started falling in love with him from the moment we saw those two lines appear. Love was easy, it was uncomplicated.
This second time around, even after 21 months spent trying to conceive, love has been much more elusive. After the typical panic attacks about how a second child will change our family, followed by the heartache of losing my breastmilk at ten weeks and fears of weaning, I haven't been falling in love as much as I've been wallowing around somewhere near its outer edges.
I've written previously about bonding with a baby before birth when you're not really excited about the pregnancy. One factor I never considered was watching the baby's older sibling fall in love . . . and letting yourself be carried along with it.
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*Every week we read through the "Your Pregnancy Week ____" at least four times, and we'd do it many more if Kieran had control of the computer. He is fascinated by the baby's development.
*At every midwife appointment, Kieran has come up with questions for our midwife.
*Ever since I started showing, Kieran has included my belly in his show of love and affection for me. One of the best parts of brushing his teeth now is when I pick him up to sit on the counter, he immediately starts planting little kisses all over my growing belly.
*At 20 weeks, we were finally able to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. He was in awe.
*Kieran felt the baby move for the first time at 20 weeks. I can't help but laugh at his reactions to being kicked by someone on the other side of my stomach.
*After my tailbone started hurting, and on the many occasions that I sneeze and groan in disgust (I'll let you figure that one out), Kieran has exhibited such concern for me and any pregnancy discomforts. He has rubbed my feet, asked me how I slept, offered to carry groceries in from the car - all out of his genuine concern for me.
*We finally came up with a nickname for the baby around 25 weeks. Kieran now affectionately refers to his sibling as "Roo," and it helps us all personalize this new little being.
*When we read that Roo could hear and recognize voices, and it was suggested that we read stories and sing songs to the baby, Kieran has enthusiastically catered to Roo's new hearing skills. He often asks me to "read a story to Roo," and he's also had me get the headphones out so we can play music for Roo.
*Watching Kieran love on Roo from the outside of my body, cooing and singing and talking, it has reassured me that this new addition to our family is right, even if it's taken me a little longer than him to figure that out.
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Sometimes, love springs up quickly, intent on soaking your entire being with its presence. But other times, love creeps in a little more cautiously, making sure that your heart is ready before it takes root.
Dionna is a lawyer turned work at home mama of her amazing son, Kieran. You can normally find Dionna over at Code Name: Mama where she shares information, resources, and her thoughts on natural parenting and life with a toddler/preschooler. Dionna is due with baby number two at the end of November.
15 comments:
This is lovely. What a beautiful way to be coaxed into love. Kieran is such a special boy, and Roo is lucky to be part of such a great family.
What a sweet boy! I wonder if Kieran may have taken some of his cues from you...perhaps you've been more in love with the new addition than you realize. Watching how big brother displays his love, in that simple, lovely way that kids do, may be just what you needed to fully grow into those feelings. Thanks for sharing this beautiful experience.
Oh, Dionna,you have me tearing up. This post is so beautiful! I love that Kieran is so in love with Roo (and what a cute nickname he's picked out for baby!) - This reinforces my wish to aim for a slightly larger gap between siblings next time around, should we decide to have another little guy or gal! His interaction with you and baby Roo is just precious.
How incredibly sweet!
I had been looking forward to trying to conceive and the addition to our family that will come afterward, but we had a baby around this weekend and my daughter got a bit jealous, so worry crept in. Now I'm back to being thrilled for what the future may hold!
What a beautiful thing it must to be to watch sibling bonding even from this early stage. So happy for you, Dionna! xo
Oh Dionna... I nearly got all teary eyed, with a twinge of jealousy. Sasha hasn't figured it out yet, despite seeing live U/S, hearing the heartbeat, talking about baby brother, etc.
With my 1st, it was absolute head-over-heals adoration from the moment she was born. With the second, it took some time to bond. I was somehow more excited about the third and always felt bonded with her. I hope I feel a bond with Spencer from birth, too. If I hadn't already read that it is normal to not feel bonded immediately, I would have been very worried when my 2nd was born.
Tyler was pretty excited and interested in development when I was pregnant with Sasha. She is reasonably excited about Spencer, but not like she was with Sasha.
My own feelings about Spencer, though... When we found out that something could be wrong with him, I suddenly felt this... need for him to feel loved. I immediately started talking to him and telling him we loved him.
Sorry to rattle on... you got me going!
Love all the big brother stories! And love the nickname "Roo" -- I called Elsie "Elsie-roo" for a looooong time (not sure why, I guess because her middle name doesn't roll of the tongue the way Delia's does) and still love it.
So I absolutely did not bond with these second babies (twins) as much as my first before they were born. Mainly, I was just so dang busy dealing with mothering the child in front of me, I didn't have time (or, frankly, energy) to focus on the ones inside at all. I was overwhelmed and freaking out about how our life was going to change, and how it all was going to affect my toddler.
But, by the last trimester or so I was forced to slow down a lot, and had also done enough processing to feel more in tune with them. And after they were born, I was madly in love with them! It took me longer to bond with each individually b/c they were twins, for sure, but I still loved them both fiercely from the start. It's normal and totally fine for love and attachment to come differently and at a different pace with each child, but it will come regardless, I promise!
Tammy - thank you :) Roo will have a great big brother!
MaMammalia - that is a sweet thought, thank you! And Kieran has really helped me after my initial feelings this pregnancy. It's nice to learn from our children :)
Amy - thank you for your sweet words - and for the vote of confidence with our age gap. That's one thing that has actually been concerning me, but I know that there are pros and cons either way!
Melissa - it's funny, Kieran has always loved babies, but there are times when he doesn't so much love me holding them ;) I anticipate some jealousy, but I look forward to giving him *lots* of bonding time himself to even things out!
Jorje - someone on my FB page said her 2yo hasn't figured out the fact that mama is pg either - I wonder how old LOs have to be to realize what's going on in there.
And Spencer is going to be a *very* loved baby, don't you worry mama :)
Beautiful! When our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I felt so regretful that I hadn't loved the baby as hard as I could for the 10 weeks we had it inside me. Despite that lesson, I found it hard to enter full-force into loving the baby during pregnancy. I think there's something so surreal about it at first — there's a person, inside me?? And then, especially when you already have a kidlet running around on the outside, it's easy to be distracted from your pregnancy (or at least it was for me!) and time really flies.
But, as you've found out, and as I did, too — love can catch up. And it has.
Oh Dionna, such a beautiful post! I hope my boy will fall in love with his baby sister soon! Thanks again for your support during my tandem nursing difficulties!
~ Jenny ( http://www.imafulltimemummy.com/ )
Kristin - very wise words, and it's so interesting to hear the experiences of a mama who found herself with two to love!
Lauren - I know, right?! Both pregnancies, the thought of growing a human was simply surreal! And yes, I think a lot of it has to do with having one to take care of on the outside - he's really the priority (since neither I nor the baby has health problems, etc.).
Jenny - He will!! And you'll be blessed to watch that happen :)
Dionna,
What a beautiful post! You have put into words my experience exactly and I could not have written it as well. I'm so glad things are going so well for you and Kieran. Enjoy the pampering!
Thanks Abby! It's always nice to know we're not having these feelings by ourselves - they're so normal. I know Sophie will make an amazing big sister too :)
Aw, sweet! Our fifth baby was named Roo by her big brother, Benedict. When she was born we named her Pip but he called her Roo for sometime afterwards.
Hope all goes well.
San
Hi, Dionna!
In an attempt to help me realize the reality of my pregnancy, I've been asking the Critter to talk to the baby and give it kisses. When asked if he has anything to tell the baby, he generally says, "I have a fire truck." Very sweet. And just today, he told me that when the baby comes out, he will kiss "her". It was his idea — no one ever suggested that he should!
Very sweet Rachael :) I love what LOs will talk to the belly about!
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