"We are going to sit here in SILENCE for two minutes"
"Shh..."
"Mama is grumpy, short tempered and CAN NOT TOLERATE ANY MORE NOISE!!!"
My children stared at me in semi-silence. Their beautiful faces cast in bemused wonderment. I closed my eyes but could feel their unabashed joy and childishness begin to bubble over their genuine attempts to remain quiet.
"Okay, now I want you to sing, that will cheer us up" My instruction must have seemed ridiculous but they began a simple serenade.
'Way up high in the apple tree,
Two little apples smiling at me.
I shook that tree as hard as I could
and down came the apples and mmm they were good'
The plan worked, I could feel my tension begin to fade. Their voices were so small and lovely, wobbling and wavering around the simple tune, and then the giggling. Such an infectious, beautiful sound. I couldn't help but join in and soon the grumpy, monster mama was gone and we were all smiling and singing together.
I came into the kitchen later and saw this little message on my refrigerator. I put it there months ago and once in a while it seems to jump out at me, knowing somehow that in a particular moment I need this reminder.
Be Careful of rules for your children.
Rules diminish responsibility.
Be careful of rewards for your children.
Rewards diminish self esteem.
Be careful of punishments for your children.
Punishments diminish trust.
Let lessons be imposed by the nature of things,
not by your own agendas or your own needs.
Integrity will replace rules.
Contentment will replace striving.
Spirituality will replace religion.
Songs will replace arguments.
Dances will replace battles.
~William Martin, The Parents Tao Te Ching
Sometimes parenting feels like a battle. There is no dancing, no singing, just hour after hour of me wrestling my children's behaviour. I realise though, that usually I cause this battle, not by consistent, gentle, firm parenting, but by demands, orders and spatting. When I let lessons be taught by the nature of things and respond instead of react, the days flow smoothly and I don't find myself at a 'boiling over' point.
My personal reminder this week:
Replace the battles with dancing and just love them.
6 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing this I'm about to add the beautiful and timely verse to my fridge too!!
Blessings San x
thank you. it is always so empowering and supportive to know that other mothers get grumpy and icky too. sometimes i feel like i am the worst mother to be so agitated and then hearing this i can let it all go. thanks mama
Thank you xx
Just what I needed! I am SO copying that verse. Thanks Starr (for the blog entry and also for not being completely perfect) xxx
Hi there
I have loved wondering through your blog this evening. I find myself nodding to your every word in your post. I loved the way you sang your way out of your moment. All very familiar indeed. I thought it got easier but as my children have gotten much older, 14,11 and 8, their voices become louder and more urgent! So, lots of singing happens here...
I have a dream to come to England. My great grandparents came from England and Wales so I am needing to settle some spiritual past.
Enjoy your lovely Summer as we enter into Winter Solstice.
A happy day to you
Suzanne
What a fantastic post - I think I would also benefit from pinning that sign somewhere - some days it would come in handy! :)
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